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1) How do I get past the guards at the castle?
After talking to them, you're told you'll need 72 bucks for them to get lost. Exit the current screen and go to the TATTOOIST on the overview map (Southeast corner-ish). USE the LADDER, OPEN the DOOR and go in. TALK TO the FRYING PAN MAN on the far left of the room and you'll get a NOTE PAD, USE it on him. You'll get a BROCHURE. In order to join 'em you'll need some PORRIDGE, get out of this place and go to the 3 BEARS COTTAGE (Northeast corner-ish). OPEN the LETTERBOX and PICK UP the LETTER from within, leave and go to the LOAN OFFICE (Middle 'o the map-ish). Enter the office and TALK TO the SECRETARY, pick your favourite plan and OPEN the DOOR to the left. Tell him you're interested in the loan plan and he'll look for the forms, USE the LETTER with the IN-TRAY on his table while he's not paying attention to you. Exit the building and you'll see that you've made the 3 Bear's a much more accessible place... pay it a visit. Once there, go inside and TURN OFF [MOVE/CLOSE] the TAPS on the far right side of the house, you'll automatically get the pair of RUBBER GLOVES. Leave the bloody fountain and head for the STREET OF TRADERS (South of the LOAN OFFICE). TALK TO the IRONMONGER (twice) and help him with his tax crap, answers for his questions are: 15 Dollars in a Gold Sovereign, 16 Groats make exactly a Dollar and 3 Gold Sovereigns in a Royal Crest, you'll get his CROWBAR as a reward. Leave and head south on the map to the DOCKS. Look for GOLDILOCKS (She's hiding behind a crate) and TALK TO her. Agree to aid in her escape, then USE your newly acquired CROWBAR on the CRATE right in front of her. PICK UP the WIG and RUBBER DINGHY. Exit and go back to the 3 BEARS COTTAGE. Go into the house and tell the guy you got GOLDILOCKS' WIG, you'll be rewarded with a bowl of PORRIDGE... head back to the TATTOOIST on the map. Go back upstairs into the Insane Society. WEAR the bowl of PORRIDGE and you'll get a JUNK BAG, LOOK AT it ad you'll find 100 DOLLARS, BUNGEE ROPE and a WEDGE. Hurry back to the CASTLE. Hand the cash over to those morons and they won't be bugging you no more.
2) How do I get a proper id to go inside the castle?
You'll need to win the Magic Competition in order to do that, so leave and go to the MAGIC COMPETITION on the map (big purple tent). TALK TO the CLERK and sign up, then enter the tent and TALK TO the WIZARDs if you like, then leave. You'll have to get rid of all those guys to stand a chance in winning the competition. Go to the MUCSWAMPLINGS on the map (Northeast corner-ish). TALK TO the SWAMPLING MASCOT and ask for a VOUCHER, you'll get a BALLOON as well. Go into the place, TALK TO the WAITER and use your Kiddie Meal VOUCHER. Then LOOK AT the KIDDIE MEAL and you'll get a SWAMPLING MODEL, SWAMPLING GUM and a MAGGOT. Leave the place and go to the STREET OF TRADERS. Go into the downstairs into the Pet Shop. PICK UP the GLOW-WORMS from the shelf, then USE the RUBBER GLOVES to pick up the TURTLE in the cage on the right to avoid electrocution. Now USE the TURTLE with the single EMPTY CAGE on the right side of the MACHINE, make sure the LEVER is rest on the left end, then USE the MACHINE, you'll end up with a normal TURTLE and some EELS on the other two cages. PICK UP the TURTLE and USE the GLOW-WORMS with the very same EMPTY CAGE you just took the turtle out of, MOVE the LEVER to the right side this time and USE the MACHINE... out comes brighter GLOW-WORMS, you'll need these later in the sewers... Go on further left and into the shop with the sign "JOKES" over it, then TALK TO the JOKE SELLER inside. Go back into the shop and TALK TO him again, this time, ask him to make you a swampling costume and he'll take your SWAMPLING MODEL and work on it. Go out of the building to the other end of the street and TALK TO the FAT BLOKE. He'll ask you for a favour, agree to help him. In the cave, PICK UP the LAMPS, then come back and TALK TO the CAVE ENTERANCE to get back out. You'll then get your CLOTH from the guy. Leave the street and go to CALYPSO'S. PICK UP the DYE (green) near the door and the BASEBALL BAT in the sales bin, leave and return to the STREET OF TRADERS. Go to the JOKE SELLER and TALK TO him, you'll get your brand new SWAMPLING COSTUME, PICK UP the JOKE BOOK from the counter on your way out. Leave the street and go to MUCSWAMPLINGS. Go inside MucSwamplings and WEAR your SWAMPLING COSTUME, once in the kitchen, go upstairs, you'll talk to the Swampling and you must agree to help him bring back some swamp mud. Get out and go to the SWAMP on the map (North-ish). You'll end up outside of the LOAN OFFICE instead. GIVE the JOKE BOOK to the JESTER and receive a BLADDER, USE the CROWBAR with the DRAIN COVER and enter the SEWERS. When you attempt to walk further into the sewers, a giant spider will scare the senses out of your head. Leave the place and find a way to flush that damned thing away, go to the TOWN SQUARE (West-ish). TALK TO the ACCORDION PLAYER and watch them screw up, then GIVE your BASBELL BAT to the DANCERS... big fun follows... leave and go to the STREET OF TRADERS. PICK UP the POSTER from the street and go to the DOCKS due south. Find and TALK TO UM BONGO, show him the poster, then leave and go to the TOWN SQUARE again. TALK TO UM BONGO and you'll offer your BLADDER (Obviously NOT your own, but the JESTER's) so that they can proceed. After the rain leave and go to the LOAN OFFICE. Enter the SEWERS and walk further left now that the spider's gone. USE the GLOW-WORMS when the place turns pitch dark, then go back up to the surface using the ladder on the other end. Once afoot the swamp, go to the right to the broken bridge over the puddle of MUD. USE BUNGEE ROPE with the RAILINGS, then USE the BUCKET with the MUD. Leave via the sewers again... SLAM that F5 key while you'r entering it to save time. Leave the LOAN OFFICE and go to MUCSWAMPLINGS. Go into the place and WEAR your SWAMPLING COSTUME, go upstairs and GIVE the MUD to the SWAMPLING, you'll then get some SWAMP STEW. Leave this place and go to the STREET OF TRADERS again. Visit the JOKE SELLER and GIVE him the SWAP STEW, you'll get a STINK BOMB. Leave and go back to the MAGIC COMPETITION. Enter the tent and USE your almighty STINK BOMB, when you're back, go into the tent again and PICK UP the SPELL BOOK. Now to get rid of the last WIZARD, USE the SWAMP SHAKE with him. After your brilliant performance you'll get your ID. Go to the CASTLE. Try to get in now, you should have no problem, once inside, you'll be talking to the PRINCE, OPEN the DOOR and enter, ignore those two DOORs in this room and proceed to the left, you'll talk to the KING and receive your first assignment - shut the damned BABY up.
3) How do I make the baby stop crying?
First exit the throne room, PICK UP the CYMBALS. OPEN the DOOR on the right and go in, PICK UP the KLAXON and FOOTBALL RATTLE. Then use the WEDGE with the CRADLE to stop it, PICK UP the COG from the wall. Leave the CASTLE and go to MUCSWAMPLINGS. Go left behind the building this time instead of going in, LOOK AT the DUSTBIN and you'll acquire a FISHING ROD. Now go inside the building via the front door like before and WEAR the SWAMPLING COSTUME. USE COG with the CLOCK on the wall, leave this place and go to TATTOOIST. OPEN the DOOR and enter, then TALK TO the TATTOOIST, you'll get a LEAFLET on your way out. Go back to MUCSWAMPLINGS. Go into MucSwamplings and GIVE the LEAFLET to ANORAK MAN, exit the building and to to the TATTOOIST AGAIN. Go into the place and you'll be the 1000th customer and be entitled to a free tattoo, choose the "Jewel Encrusted Crown and Pair of Crossed Enchanted Swords". Leave and go to the SWAMP. Go all the way to the left and talk to the LADY OF THE LAKE, then USE the FISHING ROD with the LAKE, you'll catch a FISH. Leave the SWAMPS and return to the CASTLE. Go all the way to the throne room and USE the FISH with the ROYAL SEAL. Exit the CASTLE and go BACK to the SWAMP... Again, walk to the left and talk to the LADY OF THE LAKE. Then PICK UP the AIR TANK and the WET SUIT. USE AIR TANK with the RUBBER DINGHY then USE the RUBBER DINGHY to cross the lake... Walk straight up to the SWORD and PICK it UP, with that tattoo you've got you'll have no problem getting it. USE the DINGHY again and go back all the way to the CASTLE. GIVE the SWORD to the PRINCE and get a PEA SHOOTER + PEA in return, go inside and enter the room on the left. Use the PEA with the MATTRESSES and ask the PRINCESS about the BABY, then PICK UP the LOLLY from the floor. Go next room and GIVE the LOLLY to the BABY, it'll throw it out. Go to where the PRINCE is and PICK UP the LOLLY from the ground, leave the CASTLE and go to MUCSWAMPLINGS. Go in and WEAR the SWAMPLING COSTUME again, go upstairs and ask the SWAMPLING about his life, then GIVE the LOLLY to the BABY SWAMPLINGS in return for a bottle of MILK. Leave and go back to the CASTLE. GIVE the MILK to the BABY and that'll do the job.
4) How do I get rid of the demons and get to the treasury?
After putting the BABY to sleep you're free the roam about in the castle, when you go through the doorway just next to the KING, you'll go up to the top of the tower and see this PENTAGRAM on the floor. If you just walk past it the DEMONS will stop you, USE the SWAMP SHAKE with the PENTAGRAM and they'll be stuck. Leave the CASTLE and go to the STREET OF TRADERS. USE the BALLOON with the RAILINGS, then go to MUCSWAMPLINGS and TALK TO the SWAMPLING MASCOT and ask for another BALLOON, come back to the STREET and USE the second BALLOON with the RAILINGS, then get ONE more BALLOON from the mascot and USE it with the RAILINGS to get to the top of the tower. Once indoor, simply walk onto the RUG, PICK UP the MUCUSADE, leave via the TUBE and WINDOW, then leave the CASTLE and head back to CALYPSO'S...
1) How do I escape from the ship?
First USE your SPELL BOOK, then PICK UP the SKULL sitting next to you, you'll get the EYE PATCH from it. Try to go up the stairs. When you resume control, LOOK AT the DIARY and you'll get the POSTCARD. PICK UP the PARROTS in that room and leave. OPEN the DOOR directly to the right of your position, PICK UP the KNIFE and USE it on the HAMMOCK, PICK UP TINDER BOX. Leave the room. TALK TO the PIRATE with the ropes, and offer to trade your EYE PATCH for his SHADES. Walk left, PUSH [MOVE] the PIRATE that's repairing ship off into the sea then PICK UP the PLANK, HAMMER and NAILS. OPEN the DOOR on the far left end of the ship and TALK TO the TOUGH LOOKING GUY, ask him if he's got a MELDING TORCH with him. Go back out. USE the MELDING TORCH on the CHAIN, the CAPTAIN will come out and bug you, once he's back in the room, USE the PLANK on the DOOR he came out of... now use the WELDING TORCH on the CHAIN again and OPEN the heavy steel DOOR. PICK UP the MUCUSADE and go back up. USE the RIGGING to climb up. USE the POSTCARD you got from the DIARY and come back down. Walk to the right, climb those stairs and TALK TO the guy there, then USE the stuffed PARROT with the real PARROT. USE SWAMP GUM with the red PARROT to make it stay, go back downstairs and enjoy the ride home...?!
1) How do I get my mucusade back from that bastard?
PICK UP the SHOVEL and the TOWEL from the beach, TALK TO the BEACH COMBER, then go into the JUNGLE. GIVE the BALLOON to the KID (Without PICKing it UP) and you'll get a SHELL in return, PICK UP the WOODEN POLE and exit to the right back to the beach. USE the WOODEN POLE with the SHOVEL to fix it, then USE the SHOVEL again, after admiring your own SANDCASTLE, USE the TOWEL with the HOLE you've just created and USE the SHELL with the TOWEL... makes a perfect TRAP. Now TALK TO the BEACH COMBER, after his little accident, PICK UP the MUCUSADE from his stuff. Now leave the poor guy to his miseries and go into the JUNGLE...
2) How do I get out of this place?
Once inside the JUNGLE, walk up, then left so that you're next to the DOG, PICK it UP. Walk into the cafe there and TALK to the WAITRESS [FROM HELL]. When you wake up, TALK TO her again and get another cup of de-caf COFFEE. Exit the place and follow the other path below you to exit this screen. TALK TO the DEALER and ask him how's it hanging / the salmon, then PICK UP the WHISTLE from the ground. Walk further north into the jungles... Walk to the left to exit the screen with the MAN tied to the rock. USE the DOG with the GENERATOR. Go right and MOVE the LEVER to turn the power on. Now USE the WHISTLE for your own enjoyment... then leave this screen and back to where the DEALER is. From your current position, move left, TALK TO the JUDGE and then USE the WHISTLE, you'll get your prize (3 BUNGAS), go back to the DEALER. TALK TO the DEALER and you'll get some CAFFEINE TABLETS, USE them with the COFFEE. Go right, and into the CAVE ENTERANCE right below the huge SIGN. PICK UP the BOTTLE and talk to the Genie. If you wish you're back at Calypso's place you'll get a neat cutscene with you being teleported once out of space and once into the deep ocean. After you've exhausted the first two wishes, USE COFFEE with BOTTLE, now tell him to bring you back and you'll be there. No point going anywhere else now, go straight into the shop and enjoy the cutscene.
1) How do I get inside of the fortress again?
When you're back on your feet again, just OPEN the DOOR and you'll be outside. From just outside the GOBLIN CAMP, exit the screen to the right and go to the DARK WOODS on the map. Walk all the way to the end and enter the cave, you should've stepped on the CAT on your way in if you're here the first time. Leave the woods and go to the SECLUDED HUT on the map. Once inside, CLOSE the DOOR, PICK UP the HANKY, PICK UP three (3) bottles of SODA, PICK UP the unconscious CAT. Leave and go to the VOLCANO RIM on the map. PICK UP the CHEMICAL SPRAYER and THE PLANT SPOTTER'S GUIDE BOOK. USE the CAT with the PLANTS. USE the DRINKING STRAW with SODA to empty one, then USE the EMPTY BOTTLE with the SALIVA on the ground. Leave and go to the GOBLIN CAMP. USE the PLANT DRIBBLE with one the the goblin's GOBLET, then TALK TO them or just try to walk into the place. PICK UP CONCH HORN, go inside. Enter the BIG TENT and PICK UP the PEPPER and FOOD RATIONS from within, come back out. TALK TO the ELF, and you should get a PERFUME BOTTLE from him. USE PEPPER with the ELF, then GIVE him the HANKY, USE SODA with PERFUME BOTTLE and GIVE him the PERFUME BOTTLE, you'll get a lump of WOOD in return. Walk to the left and USE SODA on the FIRE, then quickly walk left and PICK UP the STUFF in front of the big goblin, then when they're gone, PICK UP the DICE, go right and get out of here, and head for the SECLUDED HUT again. PICK UP another 3 (three) SODA, then go to the DARK WOODS. GIVE the FOOD RATIONS and SODA to the KID, PICK UP the MAGNIFYING GLASS. Walk a bit to the right, LOOK AT the ANTIQUES, and you should get a set of WOODEN TEETH. Go all the way to the cave where the three witches are. GIVE the WOODEN TEETH to the WITCH on the left, the CONCH HORN to the WITCH standing in the middle and the MAGNIFYING GLASS to the WITCH on the far right. USE DRINKING STRAW with the SODA to make another EMPTY BOTTLE, then USE it with the POTION. Leave the woods and visit the SECLUDED HUT once more time. USE the POTION with the ROLE PLAYERS, then play with those guys and use your own dice, you should get a CATALOGUE. Get out of this place and into the GOBLIN CAMP. Walk all the way to the left and into the mountain, walk straight for the door and say that you're here on important business...
2) How do I get past that monster?
Once you're inside, walk north into the EERIE PASSAGE first and talk to that thing, come back out, PICK UP the TAPESTRY from the wall, walk left down the STAIRCASE, USE the TAPESTRY with the pond of SWEAT under the goblin, USE the TAPESTRY with the CHEMICAL SPRAYER. Now MOVE the LEVER and blast your monitor's brightness and contrast to the highest and press F10 to guide yourself OUT of the room and walk through that EERIE PASSAGEWAY again. Once inside the room, don't move. First USE the CHEMICAL SPRAYER, that'll fix your odour, then you WEAR the PUPPY... that's right, WEAR IT. (Only works in this screen) then the monster won't be able to hear you, and with the lights are off, it won't be able to SEE you neither, you'll be able to slip past this thing undetected.
3) The End.
Walk to the left, after a while you'll end up at the top of the tower, PICK UP the SCREWDRIVER from the table, USE it on SORDID'S HAND to detach it, USE SORDID'S HAND with the PALM PRINT IDENTIFIER and PICK UP the TIME STICK and walk left for the stairs again and save yourself...